Saturday, September 29, 2012


I have really terrible allergies to mold, and this year we have had record high mold counts. It's been terrible! I don't remember the last time I didn't have a stuffy nose! Lol.
Yesterday, while I was at work, I started suffering from Vertigo. I would have these lightheaded/dizzy spells that made me feel like I was drunk, or at least tipsy, even though I'd had NOTHING to drink! I hate being drunk, so this has been incredibly unpleasant for me.
I think it's caused by my allergies, because I've felt tired, and congested all week, but I have no way to know for sure :( Anyways, I left work early yesterday and went home and took a nap. I'd started to feel better after I woke up, but eventually the vertigo came back.
I'd been looking forward to Friday all week, and I didn't want up miss it. I figured, if I was feeling drunk, I might as well go hang out with drunk folk! Which is exactly what I did! I went with some friends to some great south side Irish bars where we were clearly the soberest folk there! It was great fun! The only issue I had was with my best friend being high maintenance, but that's another story... Now the only issue is whether or not I need to call in sick to work today, because if the vertigo sticks around I don't know if I can make it!

Sunday, September 23, 2012

The Liebster Award

Liebster Award
Let's get started...

The Rules
1. You must list 11 things about yourself.
2. Answer 11 questions put to you by the person awarding you.
3. Choose up to 11 bloggers with less than 200 followers and list their questions.
4. Go to your nominees' pages and inform them of the nominations.
5. No tag backs.

About me
1. I Love to go out dancing with my friends
2. I love to watch movies
3. I love beer
4. I surfing the internet
5. I hate waking up early
6. I am little bit lazy
7. I can't eat uncooked fruits or veggies
8. I love football
9. I like driving
10. I love sleeping
11. I love baseball

11 questions from Anook
1. What are your favorite movies ? name 3
Transformers, Star Trek, Batman: The Dark Knight
2.What's your favorite sports?
Baseball, Football, Soccer
3. about friends? 3 things
My friends are outgoing, My friends are crazy, My friends are loving
4. which thing you don’t like?
Bananas, Packers Fans, Licorice
5. Name three things you love?
Watching Football, my family, my cats
6. Do you have a favorite blogger? (name one)
I really don't have a favorite
7. What your hobby?
8. Do you have a favorite food items?
Pizza, Cheeseburgers, Chocolate
9. Do you like to visit india?
I would love to visit India someday
10. Name three things you would like to do before you die?
Go Skydiving, Have children, See the world
11. Blogspot or Wordpress?

Bloggers I wish to Nominate
Q's Web Journal

Your Questions
1. What is your favorite color?
2. What is your blog about?
3. What is your favorite drink?
4. Why did you start blogging?
5. What is your favorite book?
6. What do you like to do in your spare time?
7. If you could live in any city in the world where would you live?
8. Cats or Dogs?
9. What inspired your blog?
10. Do you think Gay marriage should be legal?
11. Are you religious?

Good luck.Have fun with this. Hope to hear back from you soon.
Thanks Anook For including my blog in this award

Trying out the Sunday Social Thing...

This lovely blogger Neely has come up with this "Sunday Social" thing, so I thought I'd give it a try! Here are this week's questions:

1. What is something you have wanted to do but are afraid of?
I want to go Skydiving, but I'm afraid my parachute won't open...

2. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Hopefully I will be happily married and starting a family. I also hope to have finished law school, and working as a lawyer. 

3. What are you looking forward to before the end of 2012?
Visiting Washington D.C!!

4. What are your hopes for your blog?
I hope to keep working on it! I'm very excited about it and I want to keep providing quality posts! 

5. Do you always see yourself living in your current town/city?
I LOVE Chicago! However, I would love to live someplace else at least for a little while. Hopefully Washington D.C. ;) 

Are you ready for some football?

There are few things in life more wonderful than watching your favorite football team on Sunday :) I'm loving it!

Saturday, September 22, 2012

The difference between a liberal slut and a whore

I may be a liberal slut, but even I would NEVER wear this dress! There's a HUGE difference between being sexually promiscuous, and sleeping with everything that walks. There's a huge difference between dressing sexy, and dressing like a whore. This dress embodies the latter! The sad part is that women who dress/act like that give us liberal sluts a bad name! The sad part is that I found this dress at a generic Juniors store at the mall!

Friday, September 21, 2012

It's finally Friday!!

Bill and I are finally friends on Facebook. I don't know if its the drunkenness or not, but he is super adorable/hot in his photos :) in the mean time I'm at a bar with friends. I'm drunk, and I haven't had sex in 2 months. I'm so horny it hurts. I need to get laid soon before I lose my mind..

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Tiger by the Tail: Where to meet a summer fling

I have unfortunately never had the pleasure of experiencing a summer fling, however I have had the pleasure of two very wonderful Autumnal flings ;) This article has some wonderful suggestions for meeting new people. I know that I was getting down on myself A LOT after Bruce dumped me in January, and meeting people can be hard. I found at least some success online with that's where I met Bill.

Tiger by the Tail: Where to meet a summer fling: Whether you're looking for love or looking for a distraction, the bar isn't the place to get your action. (sorry, had to)... If you've ...

Tiger by the Tail: Break-up food.

Tiger by the Tail: Break-up food.: Let's face it, when you're dished a sudden break-up the last thing you should do is dish yourself some sweets. We all know the best way to g...

After reading this Blog Post I have to say that it is DEAD ON about good break up food! When you get your heart broken you need to replace all the seratonin that you lost, so you sugar it up! Alcohol is a depressant, but sugar is a stimulant... if you want to at least attempt to feel better you drown your sorrows with a glass of wine and one of these lovely sugary treats :) (You don't have to be going through a break up to enjoy them either)

If you're TRULY desperate...

I went to a Buffalo Wild Wings the other day to watch a football game with friends, and when I went to go to the ladies room I found one of the stalls had no door. I ended up joking with one of the other women that it was for "desperate drunks" or for vomiting. Sure enough later on that afternoon towards the end of the game someone actually used it while I was in the stall next door lol. Now THAT is YOLO! Lol

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Things DO get better....

About a month ago I felt like my whole life was falling apart. My car had been stolen, I had no idea how I was going to get to work, Bruce had a new girlfriend, and even though he and I were over a LONG time ago it still sucked that he had someone in his life and I didn't, Tom decided he didn't want to be my friend anymore, and it seemed like no matter how hard I tried to get on top of things in my life I could never seem to turn things around. Wow! Was I wrong!

1) I got news on September 3rd that my car had finally been found and had in fact been sitting in an impound lot for the past 2 weeks. This meant I wasn't going to have to spend $4,000 on a down payment for a new car. While my car was missing State Farm handled everything! They paid for my car rental, they paid for my car to be removed from the impound lot, they went over the damage to see what needed to be fixed and then they towed my car to the dealership to fix it and wrote me a check! I don't know what I'd have done without them though... I know it's cheezy, but State Farm really was there like a good neighbor.

2) After my car was stolen everyone was really great about it. People I barely knew were coming up to me and offering sympathy. In some cases they even offered to help me! This really gave me some new faith in the world!

3) Bruce's new girlfriend dumped him before the month was out. I'm not surprised by this as I know how difficult it is to be in a relationship with him first hand. The funny part is that not long after Bruce started dating his new girlfriend I actually started to like that he was no longer single. He was still going out of his way to contact me, but he was contacting me about real things rather than just trying to get laid. It was like we were actually becoming friends again. Since Bruce was dumped things between us have been great! It's almost as if the last year didn't happen and we're friends like we we're before. The only real difference is that we both know that we're attracted to the other and so we will on occasion drop one another a drunk sext. lol :)

4) I started talking to Bill not a week after Bruce started dating his new girlfriend. I started dating Bill literally 2 days after my car was stolen. I have truly enjoyed Bill's company and I'm glad that we are still dating. He is on vacation this week and I miss him. I wasn't sure that I would, but I do. I'm really starting to like him a lot. He isn't practically a male model like Mark or Arben, and I don't have that insane passion with him that I had with Bruce or Kamil, but I have a feeling that I probably won't be single much longer :)

5) I miss having Tom as a friend, but hopefully he will one day be willing to speak to me again, and maybe hang out. Until then though my life has been SOOOO much easier without all of his drama!

Through all of this I've learned a lot about myself... I've learned that I'm stronger than I thought, and more prepared for tragedy than I thought. I've learned that I do have good friends who care for me and will be there for me when I need them. I've learned that Bruce isn't going anywhere, and I'm okay with that. I've learned that I care for him a great deal as a friend and in the end I just want him to be happy with me or without me. I've learned that being single can be fun, but that I don't have to be single forever. I've learned that I deserve a good guy who is going to treat me right, and who is all about ME. The last month has been tough, but I'm glad that I dealt with everything because it has made it SOOO worth it!

Friday, September 14, 2012

I have penis envy.

If you have a penis you can't get pregnant. If you have a penis you know for sure when you have orgasmed. If you have a penis you orgasm a lot more easily than the average woman. If you have a penis you are more likely to be paid more. If you have a penis you don't have to try as hard to succeed. If you have a penis you don't have to worry as much about violent attacks. If you have a penis you don't bleed once a month. If you have a penis you don't get debilitating cramps once a month. If you have a penis you don't have to deal with female hormones and the mood swings that accompany them. If you have a penis count yourself lucky!

The Trouble with Bruce

Last night I was talking to Bruce via text message. I had invited him to go paint-balling with me. He said that he didn't want to go because he had better things to do. I was disappointed, so I decided to tease him a little for being so introverted lately. I asked Bruce whether or not he was against fun or something, and then pointed out some of the activities that I think are fun that he doesn't like. For example, I love to go dancing on the weekends, but Bruce HATES dance clubs. I was of course just giving him a hard time and accompanied all of my teasing messages with winky faces ;) . It didn't take long though before Bruce accused me of being on the verge of being annoying and insulting.

This is not the first instance where I have given Bruce a hard time and he has taken it the wrong way, in fact almost every instance where I try to tease, or joke with him he gets upset. Amongst my family, and the friends I grew up with this is just how we show affection! We tease each other to show that we know each other, we're comfortable with each other, and to make one another laugh. The more I thought though about Bruce's reaction the more I realized that I'd never really seen him self deprecate before. In fact often times Bruce would go out of his way to make himself look good when it was completely unnecessary. I began to realize that Bruce's problem was blatantly obvious and glaringly simple! He simply has low self esteem. Here are just a few examples of Bruces behavior that led me to this conclusion:
1) Even though Bruce regularly refers to himself as a "nerd" and is usually quite proud of his nerdiness to the point that he displays it out loud as often as possible, whenever I have referred to him as a nerd he has gotten offended. When he says something particularly nerdy, like quoting an obscure comic book for instance, I would often times make a comment like "you are SUCH a nerd" with a smile on my face. I find his nerdiness endearing and cute and it's one of the things I like about him, yet when i make a comment like that Bruce either becomes silent and broody, or he becomes defensive and denies being a nerd altogether.
2) When we were together towards the end of our relationship Bruce and I didn't get to see much of each other. When he would miss me he would send me a text message saying he missed me and he loved me. When I returned the favor though Bruce would become upset. He would make comments like "oh well". He would accuse me of being clingy, needy, and whiny. He accused me of making him feel bad, and making him feel like a bad boyfriend. Of course NONE of that was intended! I was just telling the man that I loved that I loved him and missed him. It was as if Bruce didn't think anyone could possibly love him or miss him.
3) Whenever someone shares one of their accomplishments with Bruce he has to "one up it". If I told him for instance about avoiding a car accident in my car by making a difficult turning maneuver, Bruce would respond by telling me how he made that maneuver 12 times last week and that he could do that in his sleep! Anytime anyone share something with Bruce that he can't "one up" he will simply state that he "doesn't care about that" and try to change the subject. It is as if he has a constant need to prove himself and to impress people.
4) Bruce has a nasty scar on his stomach from when he had surgery. Someone at his work once told him that it was disgusting, and ever since he has felt the need to hide it by keeping his upper body covered at ALL times.
5) Bruce used to be a little on the chubby side. He was never really fat, but rather chubby. A few years ago he started working out and cutting back on drinking soda. He dropped weight shockingly fast, so fast that his best friend and mother were concerned for his health. By the time that he stopped losing weight he was skinny enough to fit into his 16 year old sisters pants. Bruce has made comments towards me about how he doesn't understand why I find him attractive, that I wouldn't like him if he was still "fat" and he often times seems ashamed of the way he looked back then.
6) Anytime a girl hits on him it makes him uncomfortable. It is almost as if he doesn't comprehend why a woman would want to have sex with him. He responds by asking her why she likes him, why him, and any number of other similar questions.

Taking all of this into account, and knowing what I know about Bruce and about psychology, I am fairly certain that Bruce has low self esteem. I don't think that he thinks that he is "worth it" and I find this incredibly disturbing as it is a self fulfilling prophecy for Bruce. The minute he starts to think that he's not worth it he starts to lose respect for the woman who likes him simply BECAUSE she likes him. This leads him to lose interest in the relationship and behave like someone who ISN'T worth it. Bruce and I may have our issues, but at the end of the day he is a good person who deserves some happiness! I just hope he figures that out sooner rather than later.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Drunken clarity

After a few glasses of wine I know this much: 1) I really like Bill, and I think if I let him in we might get to have a real relationship, but I'm not sure I'm ready to let my guard down. 2) I still have some feelings for Bruce. They will probably dissipate the closer I get to Bill just like my feelings for Kamil dissipated as I got closer to Bruce, but because Bruce was my first real love I don't know if they'll ever fully dissipate. 3) Bruce is single again, however he is currently sick (ironically the same as last year) and he still likes to go MIA. I sometimes wonder if my attraction to Bruce is more physical now than anything else. 4) Tom still isn't speaking to me. This would bother me less if we didn't have a whole bunch of mutual friends, and I didn't miss just chilling with him. I never thought of him as anything more than a friend, but since someone tried to convince him otherwise I guess I'm SOL.

Monday, September 10, 2012

Love is for EVERYONE!

I've been trying to avoid posting political rants on this blog for the most part, but I have lost my patience tonight! Love is for EVERYONE! I'm so sick of religious people claiming that because they are "christian" they are better than everyone and that that the law should follow their views. I'm so SICK of people who ACTUALLY watch FOX News and believe that garbage! I'm so SICK of people who live in ignorance and refuse to accept any other ideas into their lives! I'm SO done with it!!! People should be able to love WHOMEVER they want! Regardless of gender or sexual preference! There is NO reasonable legal argument against that!!! Women should be able to control what happens inside of their bodies!!! There is NO reasonable arguement against that! The government should help those in need!!! There is NO reasonable argument against that!!! NO gay people will not corrupt your children! NO women do NOT use abortion as birth control!!! NO people on welfare are NOT all lazy drug addicts!!!! DO YOU KNOW HOW I KNOW ALL THIS????? ALL of it affects me in one way or another!!! So before you go and judge other pick up a book and READ!!!

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Drunk, Horny, and Sexting the Ex again...

Wine is good. Wine is SO good that I could literally drink it all day everyday alcohol or not and not get tired of it, but unfortunately it is an alcoholic beverage. Tonight I was drinking my wine and blogging when Bruce sent me a text message telling me that he is single, drunk, and horny. I was the same way so I simply responded "me too". He then asked for a sexy video which I provided. I don't know what it is about him, but sexting him is just WAY too much fun lol. I also think my hormones are playing a role in this. In case you are not a female I will point out that at certain points during the month the female body produces a shit ton of hormones to increase sex drive in order to increase the chances of impregnation. It's Biology 101 and it SUCKS! lol. Between the wine, the sexy text messages, and the hormones it's almost unbearable. Too bad Bruce lives over 20 miles away and if I drove there I'd have to risk a DUI! Grrrrr.


Passion can be a wonderful thing. I'm a passionate person, and sometimes when I let it overwhelm me it can rive me to do things I need to do that I wouldn't otherwise have an easy time doing. I've always been proud of my passion for the things in my life, and looked down on others who didn't have the same passion for things in their lives.
Lately though since I've been seeing Bill I've wondered whether passion may actually be a BAD thing in a relationship. I'd being lying to myself if I said that my passion didn't come between Bruce and I. I'd also being lying if I said we we'ren't passionate about each other. From the moment we first kissed up until the present there has been an underlying attraction, and passion between the both of us that seems just completely unwilling to die. Kamil and I had a similar passion, but he completely cut ties with me for whatever reason (I still don't know). That same passion though is the reason that I think that Bruce can't let me go. I've tried to push him out of my life, but thats easier said then done especially because we used to be friends. Lately we've been getting along which has been nice.
I guess my point is that I don't have that same passion for Bill. When he kisses me its very nice and sweet, and I love it when he puts his arm around me. I'm not sure that I'm ready to sleep with him though. I don't know if that's because I was burned by Kyle and Arben (and to a certain extent Bruce and Tom) or if it's because I'm nervous. Which is weird.... I'm usually not nervous. I guess I'm worried that I'll be disappointed, or he'll be disappointed. I can tell he really likes me because he's always offering to meet up with me, and if things keep going the way they are going I'm going to have a bonafied boyfriend soon, yet I'm still nervous.
I guess I've always had this issue.... I didn't know I even liked Bruce in a sexual way till we made out at a dance club. I didn't know I liked Arben or Kyle that way till they kissed me. I didn't know I liked Kamil that way until he picked me up and carried me into our friends bed room, and so on and so forth.
I usually figure out how much I like someone after they kiss me, or we make out, or we have sex. It's just been difficult because Bill isn't a traditionally handsom guy, but he IS amazingly sweet! When he kisses me it's nice. I'm don't feel like ripping his clothes off, but at the same time I don't feel like I'm counting down till it's over either. All of this is just WAY too confusing. I guess in the end that is the advantage to passion. When you have passion there is no question. Maybe that's why in this case passion may be the enemy?

Wine and the Vampire Diaries

There is nothing more relaxing than sitting on the couch sipping wine and watching TV. It is a luxury that is not afforded to many people and it is a luxury I rarely get to indulge in, but I have spent the last two nights after work sitting on my couch sipping wine and watching the Vampire Diaries. It does bring some things into perspective... one being that I should just be glad I'm not living the Vampire Diaries lol,  Two, the men on that show are SUPER hot! The third thing though is actually finally understand Bruce's need for "me time". When I was younger I always needed "me time" but after college I was SO used to running around like a crazy person that I became bored with "me time" because I had nothing to be passionate about. I just wanted to spend all of my time with Bruce. Lately though, since I've started blogging I've found that I'm back to enjoying my "me time". I think I finally found something that makes me passionate enough that I enjoy being alone. I think this is good.

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Another great date

Tonight I went out with Bill, the new guy I've been dating now since the 14th of August. We went bowling, and had a few drinks and talked. He kissed me good night. This kiss was longer than the others and he used his tongue which he hadn't done till now. All in all I had a wonderful time. Sure he isn't exactly a male model like some of the other men I've dated, but he is sweet, endearing, cute, successful, and overal just a really nice guy. I think I'm actually starting to REALLY like Bill! I just have to not go and screw things up. :)

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Making a good impression

Lately I've been noticing this REALLY annoying habit by some people our there who refuse to spell anything correctly. Now I'm not talking about "lol" or any well know abbreviations used on Twitter in order to make the message meet the 140 character requirement. No, I'm talking about standard text messages! Standard text messages to a woman you are trying to impress! I'm sorry, but thats just sheer laziness and is a TOTAL turnoff. It makes you look like an idiot! Whenever one is trying to make a good impression, one must spell things appropriately or risk looking terrible.

I'm WAY too forgiving!

As a child I was a nerd. I was unpopular because I didn't fit in with the other children in the area, and I didn't have the energy to take care of my physical appearance. I enjoyed things like fantasy, and debate while other children were into Britney Spears and the Real World. I finally started to come into my own in college, but because I wasn't so easy to get along with when I was younger I learned to treasure my friends. Sure, I know that people are going to come in and out of my life without warning, but that doesn't make it easier for me when it does happen. Recently it's been much worse though...

1. A bunch of my friends from college pretty much completely stopped talking to me, or simply seemed to disappear. They would get together with one another, and fail to invite me.

2. Last October my best friend moved to Europe for grad school. She came back for about a month for christmas, but I haven't seen her since.

3. All of my friends from high school now have boyfriends and are in long term relationships. They never have time for me, they barely even speak to me anymore.

4. In December of 2011, Kamil, who had been one of my best friends since 2008 decided he never wanted to speak to me ever again. I literally haven't heard a word from him since. I still don't know why he did this... most of my friends think it's because of Bruce.

5. A bunch of my friends I'd been spending time with recently dropped off the face of the earth for no apparent reason and without warning. I've barely spoken to any of them since.

6. In January Bruce dumped me in a text message, by March he had pretty much decided he didn't like me at all, and by May he told me he never wanted to speak to me again. From June until August he was only interested in me when he was drunk and horny, and for a good 2 weeks in August he was just a straight up ass hole to me. Lately though we've been getting along for the most part.

7. Over the summer one of my best friends went to Washington for a month. It really really sucked not having her around.

8. Today I found out that Tom has gone and unfriended me on facebook without warning, without telling me why, without even talking to me about it. I thought that he was my friend, but right now I feel extremely betrayed.

9. Kyle, Arben, and Mark all straight up used me for sex. Even though each one of them had told me they were interested in dating. They are liars. I have no problem with casual sex as long as both parties know the deal. Liars on the other hand are ass holes. It's hard to trust another person after being treated the way they treated me.

All in all, in each and everyone of these instances I was betrayed, forgotten, hurt, backstabbed, and/or downright insulted and disrespected. Yet, I find myself willing to forgive most of these people because I care about them. In some cases I even love them. A lot of people after being treated the way I have been would walk away forever, but not me. Whenever someone wrongs me all I can think about is why they did what they did, and how upset they must have been with me to push them to such drastic actions. I for sure have abandonment issues, and even though I don't have huge trouble making friends I still have a fear of losing all of my friends, but mostly I think that once I've decided that I enjoy someone's company for whatever reason, I want to keep them in my life. Even if they can sometimes cause drama, even if they can sometimes be an ass hole or a bitch. If other people could forgive me then I can in turn do the same. In the end though that will most likely be my downfall.

I'm sorry, but people suck!

Today after a very long and difficult day of dealing with the local government and their ridiculous bureaucracy I found myself on Facebook. All day I had to deal with people giving me the run around, dodging my questions, and expecting me to pay fines I had not incurred. Then I went on facebook. What did I learn?? I learned that Tom, someone I considered a good friend had gone an "unfriended" me for no good reason. Sure, last week we had an argument because he had gotten a friend of mine super drunk and then basically told her he never wanted to see her again and I scolded him for that but who wouldn't??!! After everything that Kamil, who dropped off the face of the earth never to be heard from again in 2011, and Bruce, who told me in May he never wanted to speak to me again not that that lasted very long, have put me through I did NOT need this! It is incredibly upsetting when someone you have spent all summer protecting and defending does something like this to you without warning. Someone you've gone out of you're way to be friends with, to help, someone you've been intimate with, someone you share a good chunk of mutual friends with, that you have similar interests with, and that without the involvement of some nasty mutual acquaintances who can't keep their mouth shut would still be your friend!!!! If I have learned anything in my lifetime, it is that hearsay should be ignored at ALL costs! Apparently Tom never learned that! So instead of helping me with my governmental issues, instead of just apologizing to our mutual friend, instead of just getting along with everyone he had to go and cause drama again! I reemed him out via text, but I don't know if he got those texts since it's possible he blocked my number. All I know is that I am VERY hurt and confused, and I don't know who to trust anymore. I've lost WAY too many friends in the past year.

Monday, September 3, 2012


I just got back from my date with the new guy I've been seeing. He's older than me by a few years, a bit nerdy, and super sweet. He is such a nice guy. I'm really starting to like him. I don't think he's the ass hole type, but then Bruce never seemed like that either till it was too late! I'm still trying to decide whether or not to fully let him in. If I do that I think I might fall for him, and the last time I did that was with Bruce. I don't want to get hurt again, but at the same time I know that if I want a lasting relationship I'll have to let him I'm... Hence the dilemma!

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Sobriety is my new best friend...

One thing I know for sure about myself is that when I drink I get horny. This is something that has been both a major issue, and a blessing all rolled up into one. Right now though I'm not at the stage in my relationship with the new guy I'm dating to be having sex, and I'd like to keep it that way a bit longer to protect both myself, and him. On the other hand though every time I drink all I can think about is how badly I want to have sex. This is incredibly frustrating for me. Maybe though if I abstain from alcohol in addition to sex I won't be as frustrated. I don't know.

Why do I sabotage myself?

Lately I've noticed something about myself... I find someone who likes me, and unless I am instantly attracted to them, or too drunk to care I get uncomfortable around them. It's as if I'm afraid they will make a move on me, even if there is a part of me that wants that to happen. It's because of this I've avoided men that have been interested in me that would have made good boyfriends, pushed them away, or even ignores them altogether. I don't know what it is that makes me so uncomfortable. I've even encountered it in the past with Bruce and Kamil. With both of them there have been several occasions where I was afraid to be fully honest with them about my feelings, and even blown th off because I was afraid they'd make a move on me. Even after I was comfortable with both of them I was always afraid to make the first move unless I was intoxicated. I don't know why I keep stabbing myself in the foot, but I need to figure it out and stop it ASAP because I have a man in my life that is everything I say I want, and he wants me.

Saturday, September 1, 2012

I need to get laid

I'm drunk, and super horny. I wish Bruce was still wishing to fuck me, or that Tom was around. I can't wait till new guy and I are at the sex having stage!