About a month ago I felt like my whole life was falling apart. My car had been stolen, I had no idea how I was going to get to work, Bruce had a new girlfriend, and even though he and I were over a LONG time ago it still sucked that he had someone in his life and I didn't, Tom decided he didn't want to be my friend anymore, and it seemed like no matter how hard I tried to get on top of things in my life I could never seem to turn things around. Wow! Was I wrong!
1) I got news on September 3rd that my car had finally been found and had in fact been sitting in an impound lot for the past 2 weeks. This meant I wasn't going to have to spend $4,000 on a down payment for a new car. While my car was missing State Farm handled everything! They paid for my car rental, they paid for my car to be removed from the impound lot, they went over the damage to see what needed to be fixed and then they towed my car to the dealership to fix it and wrote me a check! I don't know what I'd have done without them though... I know it's cheezy, but State Farm really was there like a good neighbor.
2) After my car was stolen everyone was really great about it. People I barely knew were coming up to me and offering sympathy. In some cases they even offered to help me! This really gave me some new faith in the world!
3) Bruce's new girlfriend dumped him before the month was out. I'm not surprised by this as I know how difficult it is to be in a relationship with him first hand. The funny part is that not long after Bruce started dating his new girlfriend I actually started to like that he was no longer single. He was still going out of his way to contact me, but he was contacting me about real things rather than just trying to get laid. It was like we were actually becoming friends again. Since Bruce was dumped things between us have been great! It's almost as if the last year didn't happen and we're friends like we we're before. The only real difference is that we both know that we're attracted to the other and so we will on occasion drop one another a drunk sext. lol :)
4) I started talking to Bill not a week after Bruce started dating his new girlfriend. I started dating Bill literally 2 days after my car was stolen. I have truly enjoyed Bill's company and I'm glad that we are still dating. He is on vacation this week and I miss him. I wasn't sure that I would, but I do. I'm really starting to like him a lot. He isn't practically a male model like Mark or Arben, and I don't have that insane passion with him that I had with Bruce or Kamil, but I have a feeling that I probably won't be single much longer :)
5) I miss having Tom as a friend, but hopefully he will one day be willing to speak to me again, and maybe hang out. Until then though my life has been SOOOO much easier without all of his drama!
Through all of this I've learned a lot about myself... I've learned that I'm stronger than I thought, and more prepared for tragedy than I thought. I've learned that I do have good friends who care for me and will be there for me when I need them. I've learned that Bruce isn't going anywhere, and I'm okay with that. I've learned that I care for him a great deal as a friend and in the end I just want him to be happy with me or without me. I've learned that being single can be fun, but that I don't have to be single forever. I've learned that I deserve a good guy who is going to treat me right, and who is all about ME. The last month has been tough, but I'm glad that I dealt with everything because it has made it SOOO worth it!
Showing posts with label Loyalty. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Loyalty. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
I'm WAY too forgiving!
As a child I was a nerd. I was unpopular because I didn't fit in with the other children in the area, and I didn't have the energy to take care of my physical appearance. I enjoyed things like fantasy, and debate while other children were into Britney Spears and the Real World. I finally started to come into my own in college, but because I wasn't so easy to get along with when I was younger I learned to treasure my friends. Sure, I know that people are going to come in and out of my life without warning, but that doesn't make it easier for me when it does happen. Recently it's been much worse though...
1. A bunch of my friends from college pretty much completely stopped talking to me, or simply seemed to disappear. They would get together with one another, and fail to invite me.
2. Last October my best friend moved to Europe for grad school. She came back for about a month for christmas, but I haven't seen her since.
3. All of my friends from high school now have boyfriends and are in long term relationships. They never have time for me, they barely even speak to me anymore.
4. In December of 2011, Kamil, who had been one of my best friends since 2008 decided he never wanted to speak to me ever again. I literally haven't heard a word from him since. I still don't know why he did this... most of my friends think it's because of Bruce.
5. A bunch of my friends I'd been spending time with recently dropped off the face of the earth for no apparent reason and without warning. I've barely spoken to any of them since.
6. In January Bruce dumped me in a text message, by March he had pretty much decided he didn't like me at all, and by May he told me he never wanted to speak to me again. From June until August he was only interested in me when he was drunk and horny, and for a good 2 weeks in August he was just a straight up ass hole to me. Lately though we've been getting along for the most part.
7. Over the summer one of my best friends went to Washington for a month. It really really sucked not having her around.
8. Today I found out that Tom has gone and unfriended me on facebook without warning, without telling me why, without even talking to me about it. I thought that he was my friend, but right now I feel extremely betrayed.
9. Kyle, Arben, and Mark all straight up used me for sex. Even though each one of them had told me they were interested in dating. They are liars. I have no problem with casual sex as long as both parties know the deal. Liars on the other hand are ass holes. It's hard to trust another person after being treated the way they treated me.
All in all, in each and everyone of these instances I was betrayed, forgotten, hurt, backstabbed, and/or downright insulted and disrespected. Yet, I find myself willing to forgive most of these people because I care about them. In some cases I even love them. A lot of people after being treated the way I have been would walk away forever, but not me. Whenever someone wrongs me all I can think about is why they did what they did, and how upset they must have been with me to push them to such drastic actions. I for sure have abandonment issues, and even though I don't have huge trouble making friends I still have a fear of losing all of my friends, but mostly I think that once I've decided that I enjoy someone's company for whatever reason, I want to keep them in my life. Even if they can sometimes cause drama, even if they can sometimes be an ass hole or a bitch. If other people could forgive me then I can in turn do the same. In the end though that will most likely be my downfall.
1. A bunch of my friends from college pretty much completely stopped talking to me, or simply seemed to disappear. They would get together with one another, and fail to invite me.
2. Last October my best friend moved to Europe for grad school. She came back for about a month for christmas, but I haven't seen her since.
3. All of my friends from high school now have boyfriends and are in long term relationships. They never have time for me, they barely even speak to me anymore.
4. In December of 2011, Kamil, who had been one of my best friends since 2008 decided he never wanted to speak to me ever again. I literally haven't heard a word from him since. I still don't know why he did this... most of my friends think it's because of Bruce.
5. A bunch of my friends I'd been spending time with recently dropped off the face of the earth for no apparent reason and without warning. I've barely spoken to any of them since.
6. In January Bruce dumped me in a text message, by March he had pretty much decided he didn't like me at all, and by May he told me he never wanted to speak to me again. From June until August he was only interested in me when he was drunk and horny, and for a good 2 weeks in August he was just a straight up ass hole to me. Lately though we've been getting along for the most part.
7. Over the summer one of my best friends went to Washington for a month. It really really sucked not having her around.
8. Today I found out that Tom has gone and unfriended me on facebook without warning, without telling me why, without even talking to me about it. I thought that he was my friend, but right now I feel extremely betrayed.
9. Kyle, Arben, and Mark all straight up used me for sex. Even though each one of them had told me they were interested in dating. They are liars. I have no problem with casual sex as long as both parties know the deal. Liars on the other hand are ass holes. It's hard to trust another person after being treated the way they treated me.
All in all, in each and everyone of these instances I was betrayed, forgotten, hurt, backstabbed, and/or downright insulted and disrespected. Yet, I find myself willing to forgive most of these people because I care about them. In some cases I even love them. A lot of people after being treated the way I have been would walk away forever, but not me. Whenever someone wrongs me all I can think about is why they did what they did, and how upset they must have been with me to push them to such drastic actions. I for sure have abandonment issues, and even though I don't have huge trouble making friends I still have a fear of losing all of my friends, but mostly I think that once I've decided that I enjoy someone's company for whatever reason, I want to keep them in my life. Even if they can sometimes cause drama, even if they can sometimes be an ass hole or a bitch. If other people could forgive me then I can in turn do the same. In the end though that will most likely be my downfall.
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