Friday!!

It's been a super long and super busy week! In more like a super busy month! Busy is good, but as you may have noticed I haven't been able to keep up as much with my blog. Here's a quick summary of everything that's happened:
Oct 20-21 I went with some friends and some friends of friends to Wisconsin Dells to go zip lining and paint balling and it was great fun! I can't wait to go back! That Saturday was sweetest day, and Bill, my boyfriend, being the sweety that he is bought me a rose at the bar early Saturday morning while we were still out in the city. :)

Oct 22 I went to Bill's place to watch the Bears whoop the Detroit Lions on Monday night football, and to watch Obama hand it to Romney in the debate! We sat on Bill's couch drinking wine and cuddling and about half way through the game we started making out and ended up having sex right then and there. We had sex twice that night before I spent the night. It was SO worth waiting 2 months for! The sex was great!

Oct 23rd I went to "Game Night" with Bill and got to meet another one of Bill's friends. I had a great time. I really like Bill's friends. They seem like good people. :)

Oct 24th I spent the evening with Bill walking around, shopping, and watching the Walking Dead while cuddling. It was very nice :) I spent the night again and that morning woke up to amazing sex and a nice orgasm :)

Oct 25 I had to work all day and then go pack for Washington DC because my flight was at 7:30a the next morning. I got a little tipsy drinking wine, didn't get any packing done. And when bill texted me that he was done bowling I told him to come over and we had sex in the car. I ended up staying up till 1am but it was SO worth it.

Oct 26- 31st I was in Washington DC and that trip deserves its own post. It was a great trip!

Oct 31st I had Bill pick me up from the airport after my 7a flight. In the car we were kissing and could barely keep our hands off each other. When we got back to his place we had hot sex over and over till like 1p. Then we grabbed some lunch and went shopping. I got myself a Halloween costume for later that night, and then we also got me some sexy nighties for later ;) after shopping Bill and I went to my friend's party where Bill got to meet some of my friends. After the party we went back to his place and had sex before falling asleep in each others arms :) That day Bill also showed me that he had put aside a drawer for me to put my stuff in at his place! :)

Nov 2nd I went out to a bar with Bill and we took shots of Patron in honor of Dia de Los muertos and had drinks and food. It was a fun night.

The next day on Nov 3rd Bill and I had brunch together before I had to go to work, and afterwards went to the same bar for food, drinks, and shuffleboard.
Bill kicked my ass at shuffleboard lol.

Nov 4th Bill and I woke up early so we could go bowling with his parents. I got to meet them for the first time that day and they seem like really nice people.

This week I've spent every night at Bill's place. Monday night was Game Night, Tuesday we watched President Obama get re-elected together, Wednesday night we stayed in and watched 24, and last night we went to dinner with his parents and then I cheered them on in their bowling league. It was a lot of fun!

Now it's finally Friday, which ironically sucks because instead of working at the job I love I have to work at the job I hate all weekend. At least I get to go out with Bill tonight and tomorrow, and on Sunday I get to go bowling with him and his parents, and watch the Bears play the Texans on Sunday night Football!

More to come!

Happy Friday everybody!

Weekend Update: A Mixed Bag

This weekend was really a mixed bag as far as weekends go. Friday night was super fun! I went with some of my friends to a Latin Club in Chicago and had a great time sipping cheap drinks and dancing. I spent the night at a friends place so I wouldn't have to drive home, and in the morning we went out for breakfast! Yummy! :) The rest of Saturday was okay too. By the time I got home I was SUPER tired seeing as how we stayed out till 5a and then woke up at 10a so I took a nap. After I woke up, I ate dinner and then went bowling with Bill. He and I had a great time bowling, and afterwards we chilled at the lounge discussing our plans for Sunday.

Cranberry and Grey Goose from the Club

The bowling alley Bill and I went bowing at.

Sunday however, was less fun. Bill and I had been planning on spending the day at the forest preserve going for a walk, but mother nature refused to cooperate. It was pouring rain and storming for most of the day, and we even had a tornado warning. I also woke up in excruciating pain from cramps that was also a gift from mother nature, and spent the whole day drowsy and semi-high from all the Advil I had to take to not be in pain. I tried to get together with Bill later in the day, but I was just too tired. I ended up watching the Packers slaughter the Texans on Sunday Night Football, and then fell asleep catching up on the last season of Supernatural.

It was an embarrassing blowout...

While Friday was a lot of fun, and Saturday was good too, I would have much rather spent my Sunday doing something other than feeling miserable and watching a team I hate win in a blowout. Next weekend I'm supposed to go out of town for a friends birthday and to Paintballing and zip lining so hopefully next weekend will be better!

Ugh... It's Monday again...

Usually I happen to kind of like Mondays, as I actually enjoy my full time work and I especially enjoy what I usually do on Monday, but thanks to a timely visit from mother nature I am BEYOND tired. Between staying up later than I should have catching up on episodes of Supernatural (It was the last 3 episodes of last season... I just could NOT stop watching!) and being drowsy from all the pain killers I'm on because mother nature HATES me I'm am just exhausted! All I can think is just Ugh... I need a nap! I was supposed to spend all day with Bill yesterday, but I had to bail on him because I was so drowsy/ in pain. I know this will probably come in handy when it's time for me to have children because I'll have super strong muscles for pushing out babies, but until then this is just another one of these days when it SUCKS to be female!

I'm afraid...

Last night I finally went to Bill's house for the first time. I went over there for "game night" with his friends. I had a lot of fun. It helped that of the three different card games we played I won all three lol. I guess I had beginners luck on my side. Bill's friends were really nice and I had a great time. I'm looking forward to going back next week. Bill also has this adorable black cat who is just the sweetest and most playful creature. I can tell that Bill is noticing that I have my walls up and I've been somewhat evasive. He is always trying to get to spend more time with me, and I feel like I'm always saying "no". I'm working on being more available to him, but it isn't easy. Not only am I super busy lately with everything, but I'm very much afraid of getting hurt.

The other issue is that I haven't slept with him yet. Usually by this point in the relationship I've already done that, and I'm afraid that sex could be an issue. Part of why I've always slept with guys early on is that I want to make sure that we're physically compatible before I invest any time getting to know them. The problem is that in the past that has almost always led to my being used. This time I was determined to do it right, so I haven't slept with him, but now I'm scared to death that if something goes wrong I'll either lose someone I've spent a lot of time with, or I'll no longer be attracted to him. I realize that I'm going to have to sleep with him soon though, because we're already boyfriend and girlfriend, I'm running out of excuses, and honestly I haven't had sex in 2 months and could really use some action.

There is one other issue I'm concerned about.... I'm not in love with Bill. Not yet anyway, and part of that is because I haven't fully brought my walls down. However, I'm beginning to be concerned that he is falling in love with me. This concerns me because it is REALLY awkward when one person says I love you and the other one doesn't say it back. When Bruce first told me that he loved me, I was pretty sure I was already in love with him too. He told me that I didn't have to say it back, but even though I'm not sure I was ready to say it back I said it anyway. I'd already accidentally texted it to him earlier that week, so I knew the feelings were there. I had just never said it before to a man so saying it was a big deal for me. I would very much like to fall in love again, but because of what happened with Bruce I know that I'm not ready for that yet. I do not want to get hurt like that again, and even though it's making me feel almost emotionally stunted to keep my walls up, emotionally stunted still feels better than heart broken.

It's amazing how things change...

Back when I was dating Bruce I got this photo in a text message from one of my friends. At the time I was very depressed because Bruce never seemed to have time for me. I'd see him once every two weeks for maybe an hour, and he refused to do anything with me for Christmas and New Years. Needless to say my friends were not pleased with him, and I was very unhappy. This was my friends way of encouraging me to finally break up with Bruce. 

Now though, I feel differently about this picture, and I even almost agree with Bruce's stance on the matter. Sometimes, you really just don't have time for someone. I really enjoy going out with Bill and spending time with him, but lately I've needed a lot more "me time" and I don't feel like staying out all night and getting no sleep just to see him. I've learned that in the long run that's crazy and it's better to make sure that I take care of myself, and my health rather than worrying about getting to spend extra time with my boyfriend. Maybe it's because I was in love with Bruce at the time and I'm not in love with Bill. I like him a lot, and there is a potential for love, but it's just not there yet. I will be interested to see how all of this pans out and how I'll feel about this same photo down the road, but for now I feel that while the sentiment is there, practicality wise sometimes you just have to be a little selfish. 

Letting people in is easier said than done.

This weekend due to my work schedule, and do to the Chicago Marathon I wasn't going to be able to go into the city and go to a dance club or a bar. Instead I spent a wonderful Friday night with Bill. He took me to Olive Garden for dinner, and then he brought me flowers :) We then went bowling, and played pool and at the end of the night he asked me to be his girlfriend. Bill really is the sweetest guy. So far from what I've seen he is everything a girl could ask for in a boyfriend. I always have a great time with him. The only thing is I think that I'm keeping my distance because I'm afraid of getting to close to him. In so many of  my other relationships, particularly with Bruce I got too attached too soon, and ended up getting hurt. I don't think Bill would hurt me like that, but I have no way of knowing for sure. The other thing is that I find myself worrying every time Bill tries to make plans with me that either he is going to fuck something up, or I am going to fuck something up. I'm afraid that I'm going to hurt him just as much as I'm afraid that he's going to hurt me. I really like Bill and when I'm with him I always have a great time and enjoy his company, but the minute that were apart I find myself even avoiding him. When I was with Bruce we were practically inseperable. I looked for any oppurtunity so be with him, but with Bill, the idea of doing something with him makes me somewhat anxious, like I'm afraid he's going to pressure me into doing something I don't want, or I'll do something that I'll later regret. The thing is that Bill hasn't pressured me into anything. I've seen nothing from him to suggest that he would pressure me. Maybe I'm just losing my mind, maybe I'm damaged, maybe I'm just afraid of getting hurt again. The last time I fell in love it hurt like hell, and I'm not sure I'm ready for that, but at the same time I don't want to throw away something so wonderful... I think I've finally solved the puzzle as to why women fall for ass holes... They are just as afraid of having something wonderful and messing it up as men are. When you have something wonderful it's hard, it's work, and it's scary.

These are the beautiful flowers Bill bought me :)

It's finally Friday!!

Bill and I are finally friends on Facebook. I don't know if its the drunkenness or not, but he is super adorable/hot in his photos :) in the mean time I'm at a bar with friends. I'm drunk, and I haven't had sex in 2 months. I'm so horny it hurts. I need to get laid soon before I lose my mind..

Tiger by the Tail: Where to meet a summer fling

I have unfortunately never had the pleasure of experiencing a summer fling, however I have had the pleasure of two very wonderful Autumnal flings ;) This article has some wonderful suggestions for meeting new people. I know that I was getting down on myself A LOT after Bruce dumped me in January, and meeting people can be hard. I found at least some success online with OKCupid.com... that's where I met Bill.

Tiger by the Tail: Where to meet a summer fling: Whether you're looking for love or looking for a distraction, the bar isn't the place to get your action. (sorry, had to)... If you've ...

Things DO get better....

About a month ago I felt like my whole life was falling apart. My car had been stolen, I had no idea how I was going to get to work, Bruce had a new girlfriend, and even though he and I were over a LONG time ago it still sucked that he had someone in his life and I didn't, Tom decided he didn't want to be my friend anymore, and it seemed like no matter how hard I tried to get on top of things in my life I could never seem to turn things around. Wow! Was I wrong!

1) I got news on September 3rd that my car had finally been found and had in fact been sitting in an impound lot for the past 2 weeks. This meant I wasn't going to have to spend $4,000 on a down payment for a new car. While my car was missing State Farm handled everything! They paid for my car rental, they paid for my car to be removed from the impound lot, they went over the damage to see what needed to be fixed and then they towed my car to the dealership to fix it and wrote me a check! I don't know what I'd have done without them though... I know it's cheezy, but State Farm really was there like a good neighbor.

2) After my car was stolen everyone was really great about it. People I barely knew were coming up to me and offering sympathy. In some cases they even offered to help me! This really gave me some new faith in the world!

3) Bruce's new girlfriend dumped him before the month was out. I'm not surprised by this as I know how difficult it is to be in a relationship with him first hand. The funny part is that not long after Bruce started dating his new girlfriend I actually started to like that he was no longer single. He was still going out of his way to contact me, but he was contacting me about real things rather than just trying to get laid. It was like we were actually becoming friends again. Since Bruce was dumped things between us have been great! It's almost as if the last year didn't happen and we're friends like we we're before. The only real difference is that we both know that we're attracted to the other and so we will on occasion drop one another a drunk sext. lol :)

4) I started talking to Bill not a week after Bruce started dating his new girlfriend. I started dating Bill literally 2 days after my car was stolen. I have truly enjoyed Bill's company and I'm glad that we are still dating. He is on vacation this week and I miss him. I wasn't sure that I would, but I do. I'm really starting to like him a lot. He isn't practically a male model like Mark or Arben, and I don't have that insane passion with him that I had with Bruce or Kamil, but I have a feeling that I probably won't be single much longer :)

5) I miss having Tom as a friend, but hopefully he will one day be willing to speak to me again, and maybe hang out. Until then though my life has been SOOOO much easier without all of his drama!

Through all of this I've learned a lot about myself... I've learned that I'm stronger than I thought, and more prepared for tragedy than I thought. I've learned that I do have good friends who care for me and will be there for me when I need them. I've learned that Bruce isn't going anywhere, and I'm okay with that. I've learned that I care for him a great deal as a friend and in the end I just want him to be happy with me or without me. I've learned that being single can be fun, but that I don't have to be single forever. I've learned that I deserve a good guy who is going to treat me right, and who is all about ME. The last month has been tough, but I'm glad that I dealt with everything because it has made it SOOO worth it!

Passion

Passion can be a wonderful thing. I'm a passionate person, and sometimes when I let it overwhelm me it can rive me to do things I need to do that I wouldn't otherwise have an easy time doing. I've always been proud of my passion for the things in my life, and looked down on others who didn't have the same passion for things in their lives.
Lately though since I've been seeing Bill I've wondered whether passion may actually be a BAD thing in a relationship. I'd being lying to myself if I said that my passion didn't come between Bruce and I. I'd also being lying if I said we we'ren't passionate about each other. From the moment we first kissed up until the present there has been an underlying attraction, and passion between the both of us that seems just completely unwilling to die. Kamil and I had a similar passion, but he completely cut ties with me for whatever reason (I still don't know). That same passion though is the reason that I think that Bruce can't let me go. I've tried to push him out of my life, but thats easier said then done especially because we used to be friends. Lately we've been getting along which has been nice.
I guess my point is that I don't have that same passion for Bill. When he kisses me its very nice and sweet, and I love it when he puts his arm around me. I'm not sure that I'm ready to sleep with him though. I don't know if that's because I was burned by Kyle and Arben (and to a certain extent Bruce and Tom) or if it's because I'm nervous. Which is weird.... I'm usually not nervous. I guess I'm worried that I'll be disappointed, or he'll be disappointed. I can tell he really likes me because he's always offering to meet up with me, and if things keep going the way they are going I'm going to have a bonafied boyfriend soon, yet I'm still nervous.
I guess I've always had this issue.... I didn't know I even liked Bruce in a sexual way till we made out at a dance club. I didn't know I liked Arben or Kyle that way till they kissed me. I didn't know I liked Kamil that way until he picked me up and carried me into our friends bed room, and so on and so forth.
I usually figure out how much I like someone after they kiss me, or we make out, or we have sex. It's just been difficult because Bill isn't a traditionally handsom guy, but he IS amazingly sweet! When he kisses me it's nice. I'm don't feel like ripping his clothes off, but at the same time I don't feel like I'm counting down till it's over either. All of this is just WAY too confusing. I guess in the end that is the advantage to passion. When you have passion there is no question. Maybe that's why in this case passion may be the enemy?